Imperfect Earth Mother
I am not sure that title really fits since while I am trying to raise a more eco-conscious family, I don’t consider myself a super crunchy Earth Mama. It is often assumed since I like cloth diapering, babywearing, DIY, and trying to keep our food a bit more on the organic side, that I would also be a natural birth junkie, attachment parent, and enjoy spending much of my time naked in a meadow tandem breastfeeding all of my children. When I am not busy harvesting kale and making all of our clothing from hemp of course.
The thing is, I am not that woman. I don’t have the energy for that kind of hippie-dippy Earth Mama perfection. I am not even a real attachment parent. Most parents I know are middle of the road. We each take what works for our families and leave the rest. And why not?
We went to a party recently where everyone was trying to let loose and enjoy themselves. A teenager offered my 18 month old a corn chip and another mother chastised me for allowing her to eat it. I don’t know if it was the unhealthy PUFA seed oils she objected to, or GMO corn crops, but it doesn’t matter. Just because I barely let my kids have fun at a rare party doesn’t mean they live off of Cheetos and snow cones the rest of the week. Even if I did, a diet of corn and sugar is not too far off from what much of our country views as food.
When I mentioned the encounter on Facebook, someone brought up the term ‘sanctimommy’. I admit I googled this word to see if it is a common label. Apparently yes. Very.
I also learned that because of a lot of the topics I write about, are considered rather hippie-dippy, some people might consider ME to be a sanctimommy. The mere thought made me laugh. Especially, since I am often criticized for not being ‘crunchy’ enough for letting my kids have vitamins with cornstarch in them, supplemental infant formula, and shampoo that may or may not have sodium benzoate. What kind of parenting community feels the need to judge you for letting your kid eat a yogurt cup? All of them apparently, just for different reasons. It really takes away from the real issues we should be supporting, like you know, keeping mom sane enough so she doesn’t run away screaming into the night.
I actually have several posts in rough draft form sitting untouched because I am too chicken sh!t to publish them. They might take away my Crunch Cred! For shame! She let’s her kids watch TV, and gave them a hotdog for lunch! Child abuse!
Considering I dislike the crunchy label anyway, why do I care? So, I’m going to write about my Imperfect-Earth-Mama-ness. I don’t know if it will be weekly or just monthly, but I do know I want to be more real. This blog used to be a little too emotional and raw, and I would love to get back a fraction of that reality. What better way than to voice my fears and “faults”?
Do you ever feel like you can’t measure up to the Perfect Mom Club?
Does it ever affect the way portray yourself to other parents?
Thoughtful post! I’m very much in my own parenting world. I definitely don’t want to do the mainstream thing, but I can’t consider myself totally crunchy or an attachment parent either.
We’re hoping to b/f, and we’re pretty anti-chemicals in products and food but that sure doesn’t mean kiddo is never going to get a doughnut or a cookie or a chip. We may try cloth diapering but I’m getting some more natural disposables too. We’re just going to try our best and see what works.
No sense judging other parents either unless they truly are forging ahead without even trying to research and get the best information out there.
I look forward to reading more!
Definitely! Let’s save judgment for REAL issues.
(and lots of people use disposables for the newborn phase since the tiny sizes are used such a short time. Then switch to cloth when baby is over 12 pounds.)
Your article describes me so well. I try to help my son eat as healthy as possible, but with my distance from town and the less than appetizing “organic” options at my local farmers market, we eat what we can afford. And yes we EBF, without a cover most of the time, but he has been in his own room since he was a month old (no cosleeping here) and I don’t carry him everywhere. Contrary to what is becoming popular belief, it hasn’t killed him yet. I’m just going to keep on doing what I’m doing and not worry when my elderly neighbor sneaks my 13 month old a chocolate chip cookie. I look forward to reading the rest of your posts. Keep it coming.
Yep! I totally go for “do the best I can without driving myself crazy”.
Love this post! I do feel this way, and sometimes it’s the other way around too. I feel like my family and friends don’t get the whole cloth diapering, organic, attachment parenting thing. I am far from an earth mother though (Shhh, we use disposables at night!) and feel I’m letting my child down when I see other mom’s doing “better”. At least no one’s called me out on it…yet.
Just can’t win. Yeah, my family teases me about that stuff too. I am like “you have no idea how mainstream I am compared to the hardcore moms!” Haha
Haha! Too true!
I completely get this. “Sanctimommy” cracks me up. I think mothering is really freaking hard. Even if you manage to be super awesome perfect earth mama to a baby, once you get to the teen/tween years, you’ll be singing a whole different tune, because that crap is HARD.
Everyone has their major causes, and I try really hard not to judge another mom, period. (Hippy-dippy, or completely mainstream.) I don’t like how mothers feel the need to run each other down, in order to justify their own choices. I try really hard to be in a place where I can hear about another mom’s beliefs without feeling inadequate, but it is so tough. The reality is, I’m not raising her kids, and she’s not raising mine, so why do I care so much?
exactly. I am also amazed people pay so much attention! Maybe I am too scatter brained or something, but I barely have enough of me to keep my own life together and running smoothly, let alone pay attention to what all the other moms are doing. lol