From Infertile To A Mother of Many
I spent seven years trying to become a mother for the first time. And now I am a mom of many, hauling around my hoard of children, one of those large families that get eyebrows raises in public.
It’s been a wild ride.
Once upon a time, I was a youthful, naive 23 year old. Freshly married and roaring to start having babies. However, I had an inkling it would not be an easy journey making a family.
I didn’t have a diagnosis, but I knew my lack of menstrual cycles was problematic. I mean, you need a cycle to ovulate, and you needed an egg to make a baby. Little did I know how long this would be a problem.
I was a bit too thin, and I knew that could be the cause of my sparse cycles, so I loosened up on my diet to allow some weight gain. Unfortunately, the bit of gained weight unleashed a hormone storm of other issues and a few years later I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. My diagnosis was rather difficult since treatment was tricky. Often they recommend weight loss for PCOS. However, only 40 percent of PCOSers are even overweight. I was one one of the thin ones, so weight loss didn’t make much sense. My other symptoms were relatively mild as well, so I didn’t have many options. I started 1500 mg of metformin daily.
After three years on the metformin, I was ovulating maybe four times per year. I became a research junkie. Unfortunately, the internet wasn’t as flush with information back then as it is now, so info was limited. My best information came from obscure online forums filled with infertile women sharing anecdotal evidence of biohacking. Interestingly enough, much of our quackery back then has now become science backed medical treatment in reproductive clinics across the globe now. (Who’s crazy now??!)
Eventually, I figured out that my strict vegetarianism was working against me. Some people thrive on a vegetarian diet, but apparently I was not one of them. Within about six months of integrating some chicken and fish into my diet, I began having regular cycles. In fact, my hormones are never better than when I eat a very high protein diet. I guess my body likes it.
At the six month mark of restarting an omnivore diet, I became pregnant, but the pregnancy was weak. I was placed on progesterone suppositories, but they didn’t help. I bled for three months and eventually had a D&C after the miscarriage stopped efficiently progressing. I became pregnant again a couple months later and began multiple medications to keep me pregnant. It was a stressful time with plenty of bleeding, but that pregnancy is now a thriving adolescent boy as I write this.
While I knew it might be a bumpy road, my 23 year old self never imagined I wouldn’t have the first baby until 30. Having a baby at 30 is fine, great even. However, it felt like my life was on hold for those seven years. Everything revolved around trying to conceive and reproductive endocrinologists. We made no other plans. If I could go back, I would definitely make some alternative choices. I could have built a career or started a new one. I could have started my business earlier. Or developed deeper hobbies. My life just felt very one-dimensional at that time.
These days my life looks quite a bit different. After each baby, I became pregnant again within 14 months and now I’m one of those crazy large family moms. If I am pushing an entire pallet-jack of groceries at the bulk-buy store, I am not stocking up. It’s just Tuesday. I have a library of children’s clothing in a walk-in closet, all of it in a constant rotation of hand-me-downs. I HAVE to be hyper organized in order to ensure I am not only on top of the appointments and schooling, but also to make sure each child receives adequate one-on-one attention. In fact, I would say my kids get more quality time with me than those in most smaller families. Those of us with big families are under constant criticism, so we try harder.
I NEVER could have imagined this would be my life when I was in my infertility struggle.
Having a big family changes more than just your shopping and organization habits.
-We left the city.
-We live in the boonies on average.
-We have chickens, ducks, and guineas.
-We grow a bunch of our own food now.
-My cloth diapering enthusiasm went from trendy fad to way of life.
-I’ve considered getting milking goats and churning my own butter.
This new life in a big family sometimes causes me to be more conscientious. And sometimes more judgmental. We are certainly living more sustainably. I’m better organized and more efficient. I can stretch a dollar insanely far. And I can turn soap making and egg collecting into necessary science lessons. I can be isolated from society and still never be alone. I wish I could tell the younger me what it would be like. Tell her to have faith and hold on tight for the upcoming ride.
Being a mother of Many is just a different state of being.
And I wouldn’t change it for anything.