Early pregnancy when dealing with infertility can be a tumultuous time.
I have been neglecting just about everything around me. The housework, my blog, my Google Reader, the laundry, etc. My mind has been really, REALLY preoccupied for the past week. And for good reason. The big reason. I am afraid to come out of the closet.
Afraid to out myself as an Infertility Urban Legend.
It all started last week on Thursday. I was rifling through my night table drawer turned Museum of Infertility drawer. You know the one. The drawer that should be full of chocolate and handcuffs and maybe a bad romance novel. But most of the contents now consist of Follistim cartridges, IM needles, ancient OPKs, expired home pregnancy tests, a basal thermometer, perhaps some charts and few old prescriptions. This drawer is anything but fun.
I had some HPTs that had expired back in July. And a couple more that expire this month. Time to throw them out. But wait. Why not dip them in pee first? Wouldn’t want to completely waste them, would we? I couldn’t stop myself. Back when I frequently tested, I almost always used internet cheapie strips. Heck, I still had some of those in the drawer too. I never would have opened the name brand tests except that they were expired/about to expire. I suddenly HAD to test. I knew my period was due any day. I quickly morphed into a pee-on-a-stick zombie. Ok, a pee-in-a-cup zombie. I never did like having to aim for the stick.
Ready, set, go!
Pee in cup.
Tear open Answer Early Results HPT.(Not expired, but expires this month)
Dip.
Five second wait.
Remove.
Sit at computer to occupy three minutes. With stick next to me of course.
Glance at it every 30 seconds.
Is that a faint line?
There is something there.
Definitely something.
A second pink line.
Luckily the test is part of a two-pack. I repeat with the other stick. Also positive.
At this point my heart is pounding in my chest. What is going on?
I grab the two-pack of Equate tests that expired in July. Dip one.
Purple plus sign. OK, breathe.
I threw on my coat and walked to the grocery store. They only had one type of HPT. First Response Early Results Digital. I had never tried a FRER, but I hear they are pretty good.
After my HPT marathon, I am a bit dehydrated. I dip the FRER Digital and wait the requisite three minutes. The instructions say it takes only three minutes for the answer to show up on the display. It ends up taking 4.5. Bastards. Don’t they know how insane a woman can become in those extra 90 seconds?
“+YES”
I freaked out for a while. At the urging of an online friend, I called my OBGYN clinic and scheduled blood work. The clinic staff was little pre-mature with their congratulations. It made me nervous.
On Friday, February 6, at 15 days past ovulation (by my calculations) my HCG came back at 25. My progesterone was only 3.2. Not very promising. I started Prometrium suppositories on Monday.
My second Beta draw at 18 DPO came back at 113. Hmm. Doubling time=33 hours. They did not retest my P4. They say I must have ovulated later than I thought. Maybe so, but highly unlikely. Between the low beta numbers and really low progesterone, I cannot help but think this will not turn out well.
I don’t go back to the clinic for two weeks. Two weeks of wondering if all this Prometrium is just prolonging the inevitable.
But in the mean time:
I AM PREGNANT.
Holy COW.