Even after accepting the infertility struggle, the thoughts still bubble up.
On Friday afternoon I was walking to an art supply store just a few blocks from my building. I was strolling down one of the busy main drags in the neighborhood and casually glanced to my left. I did a double take. The sign read “Natural Health and Fertility Center”. I came to a screeching halt nearly losing a flipflop in the process. I must have stared up at that faded brick building for a full ten seconds before turning and continuing on my outing.
I am not sure what made me stop and take notice. I did not feel sad. I didn’t really feel anything. I guess I expected something. Expected to feel as though it were a sign. I stop trying to conceive and then happen to move practically next door to a fertility center. Figures.
While I had no emotion connected to the thoughts swirling in my head, I did have a mild curiosity. It was sort like when you see an old boyfriend standing 30 feet away with his new wife and children. You aren’t happy or angry or sad or thinking about bygones, but you can’t help but watch them for a good while, remembering the past.
I have to wonder if I am moving on now. I completely forgot all about the place until a mere moment ago. In fact, I forget about infertility quite a bit, when the subject is not sitting right in front of my face.
It is pretty easy to do around here on a regular day.